An Old-Fashioned Birthday

Let me start out by saying, I hate Round One. If you’re not familiar with this hedonistic money sucking wonderland aimed at children, count yourself fortunate. It is like Vegas for kids: blinding lights, incessant sounding of dings and beeps, greedy heathens running amock looking for their next big payout, and so, of course, Olivia wanted to celebrate her 9th birthday there. And, since I vowed never to do a house party again (way too much work), I called Round One to sell my soul and and expose my child, and nine of her bff's (party package requires a 10 kid minimum) to two hours of debauchery and over-stimulation. This in exchange for a clean house, and the sweet relief of not having to figure out how to entertain a gaggle of girls who I could guarantee would be bored within the first five minutes of arriving at our residence. The trade off wasn't cheap at a price point of $25 per child, but upon thinking about the clogged toilets, broken glassware, and stained upholstery that would certainly result from hosting at home, I began frantically digging through my purse for a credit card to secure the booking as the Round One rep finished explaining what all was included - unlimited game play, pizza, chicken fingers, pop, bowling, and the karaoke room.

"I'm ready with my card number," I announced into the receiver.

"Oh, you actually have to come in to pay and fill out a form," said Round One employee.

"I'm sorry. I have to what...." I responded.

"Come in," she repeated.

"I'm sorry, but you mean to tell me you can't take a credit card number over the phone and I can't fill out the form when we come in for the party?"

Well, the answer was a no and a no so up I trudged, out into the cold, into the car and on to fight traffic on Mentor Ave. so that I could put down my deposit. I arrived to a completely empty facility (it was a weekday at 10 am) and somehow still I had to wait for service.

Once welcomed, I'm given the form which I promptly fill out, briefly noting a line in the contract stating that the aforementioned endless game play applies to those games flashing red and green, and hand the paper back along with my Visa. Happy that the whole booking process was over (especially since the party was in less than 72 hours - I do believe December babies get the short end of the birthday stick with all the holiday juggling happening simultaneously) I proceeded to walk back through the facility toward the mall entrance. As I was walking, I took note of all the games surrounding me - rainbow light, rainbow light, rainbow light....) And I'm thinking, not included, not included, not included. Where are the red and green games I just paid for? I literally didn't see one! Sooooo....I turned myself around and walked back to the payment counter to inquire. Turns out that "those" games are by the bathrooms on the far ends of the facility. And pretty much nobody wants to play them. To add insult to injury, the kids also wouldn't get tickets for playing them!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!

I knew this was not going to fly. The whole reason Olivia wanted to have her party there was so that I could spend a fortune on tokens so that she could win tickets in order to walk away with some dime cent junk toy!!!! (I guess the thrill of the chase, no matter the prize, is apparent even at 8).

Once I determined the party package was no longer a viable option, I asked for a refund and decided I would just have the kids meet me at a table, order a pizza, and buy them each a $25 game card that allowed them to play whatever games they wanted. I asked the Round One employee how many credits to the dollar I would get if I went this route. Her answer:44. My follow-up question, "how many credits are games?" Her answer: anywhere from 4-12. Math is not my strong suit, but if the kids picked a game that was 12 credits to play (which inevitably they would), than they would only get to play 2 games for $25!!!!!!

I ended up calling the whole thing off, booking the party at Play arcade in Mayfield, cancelling that after deciding it was too far, and telling Liv she could have friends to the house for pizza and cake and that I would take her and two friends to Round One at a later date.

So this Tuesday that is what we did. We had some family and a few friends over to the house for a good old-fashioned birthday party. No electronics, no tickets, no wait staff.

We played trivia, had sack costume relay races, ate marshmallows hanging from strings taped to my ceiling, and popped balloons tied to our friends' feet.

And....IT....WAS...FUN!

Made me nostalgic for the ways in which we used to celebrate special occasions.

No doubt, I still spent a small fortune and was exhausted afterward, but it felt good to have everyone gathered together around a table rather than spread across a mammoth arcade; it was nice to have the buzz and bings of machines and the silence of strangers replaced with giggles, goodie bags, and great friends.