Things I don't understand
1. Phone books - I mean seriously! I am astonished these are still in existence (astonished in the same way I am about how fax machines, Kmarts, and malls are still around). How many trees are dying so that I can receive big ass phone books on my front stoop that I have no intention of using ever! My friend Anthony appears to agree with my confusion over this, as when I was ranting about the absurdity of the delivery of not just 1, not just 2, but 3 phone books to my house a few weeks ago, he responded "ummm, yeah, thanks for delivering the Internet to my door!" I have to know, is anyone using these phone books?! Please, someone tell me yes so I can understand (at least a little) about why this service is still a thing!
2. Chocolate Pepsi - I don't even know what to say about this!? I like choc (mostly in the form of Reese's Pieces), and when I drink pop I am definitely team Pepsi, but I just can't imagine them together. Now, I feel like I need to try this before I knock it! Has anyone else tried this concoction?
3. Vertical blind cords - Sweet Jesus, why are these so long?!?!?! It only takes one time of accidentally catching these in the vacuum (because they are so damn long that they actually reach my floor) and taking down an entire window treatment to move this item from the "things I don't understand" to the "things I despise" category. My Dyson concurs!
4. How are there not divorce cards in this day and age! I mean there are literally cards for freakin everything...except divorce! And let's get real - it is not like there is not a market here! I was a finalist for a job at American Greetings (writing humor cards) back in the day, and I'm thinking I should really reach back out and stake my claim here. I wonder if had I thought to pitch the need for this then, if I would have gotten hired ;) The need for this product line just seems so obvious to me!
5. People who don't pull up to turn left. Does this even require an explanation! Why. Aren't. You. Pulling. Up. (Angela - I stole your sentence structure from your text the other day lol).
6. Where are the rest of the socks? I have now started to keep a gallon ziploc bag with stray socks in it because I can't deal with the sight of these guys alone in the drawer, or at the bottom of my laundry basket.
7. People who put outdated pictures of themselves on dating sites. I was discussing the totally obnoxious world of online dating with my friend Bob the other day. I was explaining that one of the best things about dating as a 38 financially independent woman, is that I can be completely transparent, and put it all out there (like don't expect me to cook, or camp, or want to have your babies or whatever). This led to a conversation about people who post profile pics that look nothing like them (and how a beard, or lack thereof, literally transforms a person so much that I would swear I am viewing two totally different people). As I'm processing all of this Bob says, "like the goal is to eventually meet the person right?" And I'm like "YES! YES!" Like how are they not going to notice that you are 40 lbs. heavier, or bald, or part dragon, or whatever? I'm not being superficial here; I'm asking people to save everyone the embarrassment of wondering if they walked into the wrong coffee shop because they can't identify the person they spent 5 hours texting the night before.
Aside: Mom - you can ignore everything you just read and continue to showcase my beautiful high school graduation picture in all public viewing spaces. ;)
8. How I'm always cleaning and things are still always dirty. And can I just say I hate slime. Like hate it, hate it. I don't get how it continues to be fun to make over and over and over again. It has found its way on to everything - the fronts of my cabinets, my floors, my walls, my upholstery. Thank Jesus for Pinterest where I found out how to get the purple slime off of my brand new yellow chairs (you use an ice pack to freeze the slime and then peel it off - those of you with kiddos in the 8-10 range can thank me later for that tip!). I mean that brown batch looks like puke.
I've spent a small fortune on contact solution, shaving cream, and glue and I now have like zero tupperware containers for leftovers (Olivia is soooo lucky I don't really need them since I don't cook, but still....)
9. Stores that don't open early. Most people work during the week, which means they don't won't to wait until 11:00 o'clock in the morning to get going on their weekend errands. My day feels half over by noon! And, don't even get me started on how this really irks me come summertime. As someone who lives in NE Ohio, I sure as shit don't wont' to waste what few nice weather days we have waiting around for stores to open, and whose opening hours annoyingly correspond to the prime time to soak up the sun.
10. Why laundry chutes went out of style. I am going to google this right now. What's not to love (other than your Fitbit stats) about something that prevents you from walking up and down flights of stairs multiple times a day. And who as a kid didn't love throwing all kinds of things down the laundry chute, and then using a broom to unstuck all the things you shoved in! I am sad that Olivia will never get to experience the joys of playing with a laundry chute. And in case you were waiting in suspense...a quick search led to the discovery that laundry chutes are no longer used in construction because they are considered a fire hazard. That's such a bummer!
(Other ones I wanted to include, but didn't because the list sounded better as a series of ten...why IG doesnt allow you to link website in post and how in God's name American Airlines is still relying on paper tickets)
