I have issues
- Feb 2, 2018
- 3 min read
It’s been a long semi-shitty week, and it dawned on me that perhaps part of the reason I have been feeling so crappy the past few days is because I haven’t carved out the time to write.
Soooo….I’m back at the keyboard.
I received an article in my inbox yesterday titled An Affirmation for Perfectionists. It felt important for me to read. Here’s why:
I’ve hardly slept this week (a probable contributor to my crabbiness) because I’ve spent an obscene (and I mean OBSCENE – like I am considering getting help for my tendencies to perseverate in times of great stress obscene) number of hours trying to create perfect as of late. The latest iteration of this perfection seeking has taken the form of picking out chandeliers for my living room.
In the past several days, I have shamelessly engaged in the following:
sent countless emails to my friend, interior designer, Jakecia Durham asking her basically the same question repeatedly, hoping she could magically change the height of my ceiling to accommodate my shopping choices
begged countless friends to rank order the pictures of the fixture finalists below
questioned whether ordering lighting from Australia was really that impractical
fanatically researched if it is appropriate to mix metals while decorating (My top choice has a chrome plate, but most of the other fixtures/décor is my house is antique gold or brass, including the chandelier in the adjoining dining room which shares a sight line.)
In case you were wondering, mixing metals is not only permissible, but also encouraged these days (in fact, it is one of the 100 most trending topics on Pinterest for 2018). See my resource list below if you need lots of encouragement/inspiration to take this step (like me).
In spite of all the validation, I couldn’t stop working myself into a frenzy about how all these elements would fit together. The rogue revel in me was all like “who gives a shit – go eclectic,” “embrace the mismatch,” “become your own style setter,” “play.” My people-pleasing perfectionist self rebutted: “stay classic,” “what if you make the wrong choice,” “there’s no going back,” “spend more to make it all flow,“ "seeing those two different finishes is going to drive me batty." These are all really just ways of me saying, "What is perfect? It must be perfect."
What is so interesting to me is how I can be so completely obsessive when it comes to my home, and yet most often lounge in it dressed in yoga pants, a sweatshirt with some type of unidentified condiment stain on the sleeve, sans makeup and hair in an unbrushed pony. I mean if I’m spending a fortune on glitzy lighting, you’d think I could at least be bothered to put on a bra, or I dunno - shower.
And this chandelier obsession is only the latest manifestation of my perfectionism paralyzing me from making any decisions, which is why it was so comforting to read about the neuroses of a fellow perfectionist who I think I would be fast friends with (see article hyperlinked above - I laughed out loud when I read the part about crow pose). Reading her story also provided a nice reprieve from the Crystorama site.
P.S. My bitmoji and I are still taking votes :)
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