Rebuild Again

God, “what a difference a day makes” – and not in a good way, this day, Dinah Washington.

After a multi-hour excursion to pick out and transport the perfect real Christmas tree to my home, I spent all day Saturday fighting to get it up and standing straight. It took help from multiple people, and some creativity on my part (I had to lodge a piece of wood against the wall to prop it up). This was followed by all the other small annoyances of holiday decorating – lugging up the ornaments from the basement, realizing the lights you just purchased don’t light, and meticulously arranging the garland on the mantel.

By the end of it, I was frustrated and tired, but the tree was beautiful and the house inviting.

Less than 24 hours later, I walked through my door to find all of it (and pretty much everything else I own destroyed) due to a burst toilet valve which collapsed a ceiling and flooded all three floors of my home.

I panicked, paralyzed with the thought of all I had lost. The only thing I could think to do was call those people who always manage to bail me out of the unthinkable. As I tried to choke out the words to my sister and brother-in-law- that the ceiling was falling down around me, and water was pouring from the chandelier and multiple other spots in the ceiling - my daughter quickly ran outside, sobbing, and begging me to “save piggie”. She refused to reenter the house. It didn't dawn on me until a friend pointed it out, that she probably thought that the rest of the house was literally going to collapse and crush us. Her complete concern for piggie made me realize how sometimes it is the small things that are the 'everythings'.

My family arrived within minutes, along with several other neighborhood friends, and together were able to shut off the main water valve and assess the true extent of the damage.

And, it was, a lot.

Like beyond what I could comprehend a lot.

Like holy shit how is this ever going to be repaired a lot.

Now, three days later I find myself having to rebuild my life again. My daughter and I are back living with my sister just as we were two years ago after a 17 yr. relationship with my ex-husband dissolved. Every wall on my first floor needs ripped down, my bathroom upstairs has been gutted, all the wood floors need pulled, and the expensive material things I own need replaced. But worry not - piggie is safe :).

Here's what I realized in all of this – I can rebuild again (both in terms of home and heart) – I’ve done it before – several times. And more than that – what I choose to rebuild can be better than what stood there before. It will be a process – no doubt – but the support of friends and family are a foundation that I’m confident can’t be shaken even as everything else around me has been.

I can’t even began to thank all of the people (including my students) who offered my daughter and I a place to stay, who called to check in, who offered to help clean, who reminded me of mantras I love such as “now…it’s like this,” and who posted messages of hope like this:

Or texted messages likes this:

Here’s perhaps the biggest silver lining – my daughter and I get to spend even more time with the people we love most. My sister has made it her priority to make sure my daughter feels safe, secure, and happy in spite of the fact that she’s been uprooted once again. Part of this was making sure our Christmas elf, Jose, found his way to her house bearing gifts of jewels and tree-trimmers, but most of all bearing hope that the ‘wonders’ of what the future holds are far from lost.